i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
