cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
