i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
