Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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