There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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