4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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