I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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