absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
