foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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