i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
