I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
