The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
