Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
