Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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