Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
