i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
