how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
