I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
