shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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