Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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