last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
