what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
