Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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