i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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