I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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