ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
