wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
