on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
