i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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