No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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