dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
