i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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