I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
