You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
