Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
...so i touched it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
