Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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