ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
