I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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