i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
