he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
