How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
