too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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