Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
