you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
