id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
