you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
