So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
