I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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