I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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