After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
