Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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